Being clingy is completely normal in relationships. However, it can be too much, and it can feel like you are taking over your partner’s life. Being clingy can also be a sign of anxious personality disorder. People who have this usually feel submissive, helpless, or incapable of caring for themselves.[1] You can’t be in a relationship for the long term if you’re not taking time to be with your own thoughts and feelings, and just like you, your partner needs alone time as well. After all, your partner is only human and they need to reflect and recharge too. While that fine line of closeness and personal space is different for everyone, if you find yourself tending towards the clingy side, you probably don’t want to overwhelm your partner with your attention.
10 Ways on How To Stop Being Clingy
By now, you’re probably wondering what the meaning of clingy is. Being clingy means the person is too reliant on their partner to the point where they can’t live their own life without their partner in it. Surprisingly, this is a trait that was required in the process of evolution, especially because one’s survival against wild creatures relied on being close to a strong caregiver.[2] So what are ways to learn how to not be clingy? Here are 10 ways to reel in that clinginess and give your partner some room.
1. Work on Any Trust Issues You Have
It can sound like a no-brainer, but it’s incredibly important to trust your partner. If you don’t trust him or her, then it will be impossible to let your partner have the space to be who he or she really is. Not having trust in your significant other can make him or her feel less secure about the relationship and lead to feelings of resentment. Trust is key to maintaining a good, long-term relationship that will make both of you happy. Placing trust in your partner can mean anything from not constantly asking where he or she is during the day to letting your partner have a day with their friends. Remind yourself that even getting frustrated with this new step is good for your relationship, even when it doesn’t seem like it is.
2. Let People Have Their Space
Love does not mean you and your partner need to be attached at the hip. For many couples, too much closeness can put a strain on the relationship. While sharing thoughts, feelings, and space is definitely good in any relationship, too much sharing can make your significant other feel trapped. No one wants to suffocate in a relationship. It’s best to give your partner the space he or she needs. That way, your partner is less likely to associate your relationship with negative feelings, which makes the relationship stronger in the long run. It also helps to not push things if you counter resistance. You should pay close attention to the amount of feedback you receive. Public affection is one of the most important aspects to focus on here – not everyone is a fan of that. Whether your partner isn’t comfortable with making your relationship official by holding hands or kissing in public, or they generally dislike that way of showing affection, you need to give them space to show or tell you that, and you should be understanding of their decision.
3. Focus on Yourself
Another way on how to stop being clingy is to take some time to really center your thoughts on yourself. It’s amazing how much we can learn about ourselves and our feelings if we just take the time to think about things alone. Take some time to focus your thoughts inward. Time alone can really help you not only feel centered and rested, but it can also show your significant other that you’re not dependent on him or her for happiness. Dependency can lead to one partner feeling more responsible in the relationship than the other, which can lead to major problems in the future.
4. Pursue What Interests You
Avoid being a clingy person by prioritizing your own goals and interests. Not only do these give you something to focus your attention on, but they also provide a healthy outlet for your energy. Instead of focusing too much on your partner, try turning it more towards something constructive. This will give your significant other a little breathing room, while still maintaining a balanced relationship.
5. Manage Your Anxiety
If you’re prone to anxiety or nerves, it can be easy to turn to your partner as a way to ease that discomfort. However, this can make your partner feel too responsible for your happiness and can be an inconstant way to manage your feelings. If you’re a clingy girlfriend, try turning that anxiety into something positive and consistent, such as a daily ritual or activity. Simply doing habitual tasks can ease anxious feelings and leave you with more positive energy to put into the relationship. If you find yourself chronically anxious or with feelings that cannot be managed easily, speak to a doctor or professional. As much as you can, don’t overthink, or at least try not to. Thinking too much about whether or not you should do or say something makes you even more confused. This is when your confidence levels significantly decrease and you start doing some things you normally wouldn’t. To put things in perspective, seven missed calls and five text messages make you look very clingy, and that’s the opposite of attractive. Take it easy, wait for your call to be returned, and stop playing unrealistic scenarios in your mind.
6. Keep Your Body Language in Check
We often use body language to communicate affection, such as holding hands or adopting an open posture around those we care about. However, body language can also be a warning sign. Clinginess can be physical, just as much as it can be emotional and psychological. If you are a clingy person and you find yourself constantly needing to touch your partner, even as a reassurance that they’re still there, it can be problematic. Some people may feel physically held back or reserved if they are touched too much, so make sure you’re respecting your partner’s boundaries.
7. Build Up Confidence in Yourself
This is one of the best tips on how to stop being clingy because self-confidence can go a long way in ensuring that you feel good in a relationship. People with more self-confidence are less likely to cling to others as a way of validating themselves. Consider practicing positive thinking and self-love. If you respect and love yourself, it makes it that much easier for others to do the same.
8. Develop Your Social Networking
Are you constantly asking yourself “am I too clingy?” Often, clinginess can derive from too much of one thing. If you feel like your significant other is the only person you see anymore, it might be a sign that you need to diversify your social scene. Whether it’s going out with friends, joining a book club, or just paying your parents a visit, getting out there and talking to other people can help steer you away from clingy behavior.
9. Talk About It
While it’s always good to talk things over with your partner, working through your clinginess might help you arrive at a solution that you’re both comfortable with. Maybe your partner has a problem with one specific aspect of your behavior or feels uncomfortable about something. Letting them know that you’re willing to work on the problem together lets your partner know that you care about them and their comfort in the relationship. If you work on things together, it’s more likely that you’ll be able to solve the problem at hand and become less clingy in a way that ends up strengthening your relationship.
10. Direct Your Inspiration
Direct your inspiration to romantic acts rather than becoming obsessive over minor things. If you want to let your partner know you’re thinking of them, be creative with your texts and try to elegantly notify them you’d like to increase your communication. So, if you feel like you want to show how much you appreciate your partner’s company, surprise them with a homemade romantic dinner with candlelight and flowers, so you can talk and bond in a pleasant atmosphere.
Final Thoughts
The truth is, we all need some time to ourselves. It’s not just a luxury, but also an important part of a healthy lifestyle. If you’re really in love and you really want to be with this person, learning how to stop being clingy is absolutely essential. Now that you know how to stop being clingy, you can finally learn how to be a better and more supportive partner. Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com
